The Story Within Our Hearts and Scars
by shadoweddawn
Summary: "Kate reaches into her bag and pulls her own favorite shirt, the faded NYPD shirt she slips on when she can't handle the loneliness anymore, and lays it across his side of the bed." A post ep of sorts for 8x05, The Nose, a #castlefanficmonday fic.
She's already stayed too long, she knows, but can't help herself.

Kate sets her bag containing the few clothing items she could bear to take from their bedroom, gripping the shirt Castle had so casually tossed aside yesterday as she slides beneath the covers of their bed. Home. She never feels safer than in their bed. It's too big without him right now, but the tears of relief spill onto her pillow as she welcomes the warmth of their shared space, the closest she's been to her husband in weeks.

Pressing her face into the soft material, Kate breathes him in. It's familiar yet strange, and she hates that a few weeks of sleeping in her office are eclipsing the last few nights she shared in this room with Castle.

It's too real now.

Her painful choices that had seemed so clear when she walked out of their home now seem so wrong. She shivers with anger at Castle being caught on the wrong end of a gun anyway, despite any and all precautions she had taken. Her husband had proven today that danger seemed to seek him out, whether she was with him or not.

Fear pummels her heart. Too many cops standing around their home when she'd first come to gather her things startled her. Only the familiarity of holding Castle, and his own admission of panic and obvious relief of seeing her, calmed the terror slightly.

She questions her motives for leaving once again as she presses the shirt against her cheek, letting his scent overwhelm her as she wrestles with her warring emotions.

She knows he'll snoop, won't stop looking for the story to complete the puzzle that she doesn't even have all the pieces to herself worked out yet.

 _We're better together._

The words he trusted in so adamantly now settle in her heart and work to heal the wounds she's self inflicted.

She swipes a finger under her eyes to catch the few tears gathered in her lashes, afraid to leave any trace of her presence when he deserves so much better than her.

Her breath catches as Martha's words resonate within her mind, Castle's sentiment of winning her back drawing a shake of her head. She can't blame him for thinking he has to. She owes him more. She owes him the truth.

Kate reaches into her bag and pulls her own favorite shirt, the faded NYPD shirt she slips on when she can't handle the loneliness anymore, and lays it across his side of the bed. She'll only stay a minute longer, she thinks as she takes a deep breath to steel herself to rise and face her demons again.

"Beckett?"

She freezes at the sound of his voice and the door closing, the hopefulness she catches mixed in with Castle's confusion stabbing at the broken parts of her soul. She stays quiet as Castle walks through the loft, his heavy footsteps stopping at their door. His presence is comforting despite his silence, his uncertainty drawing the words from her even as she burrows further into the bed.

"I just needed to be near you."

The bed dips behind her when he finally approaches, her eyes closing at the sudden closeness and the sound of his deep even breathing. His broad hands massage her shoulders for a brief moment, his fingers working the muscles that have been tense since she walked out of their life together, the protest when he pulls away dying immediately. She has no right to ask him to continue. Not anymore.

She feels him move behind her, his knees cracking as he shifts on the bed, his thighs pressing into her back. Castle reaches between her hands, his mouth resting against her ear as he dips his head, pulling the shirt from her loose fingers as he whispers against her lobe, "here, take this one."

He slides the deep red shirt he sported all day between her open palms. Smudging his lips against her cheek he rolls over her, the muscular expanse of his chest colliding with hers as Castle tugs her into his arms. She can't deny her heart anymore as she moves into his body, letting her fingers drift over his strong arms and shoulders as he holds her, her body aligning with his perfectly.

"Stay, Kate. Just…stay. Stay with me," she flinches at the words, tears spilling onto his chest at the memory of the last time he'd begged that of her. "I love you Kate. I love you."

Closing her eyes to avoid looking at him, knowing her kisses would eventually find the smooth planes of his chest if she allowed herself even a moment to consider the option, Kate murmurs into the shirt he gave her, "Castle. Please. I can't do this to you."

She knows he hears the hint of want in her voice as her husband's fingers skim below the hem of her shirt. He scoffs at her half-hearted plea, her hazel eyes rising to meet his hard blue ones. His touch is still gentle despite the anger she catches in his words, fingers never stilling in their movements along her skin.

"Do what, Beckett? There's nothing left you can do to me. Nothing except let me in." The tears start fresh at the plaintive request but he doesn't stop, propping himself up on his elbow so study her. His free hand traces the strong muscles in her neck, lips chasing after his fingers. "I'm your husband. I made a vow to stand by you. Hell, I made that vow a long time ago. We're partners, Kate. In crime and in life, remember?"

Sudden memories of their wedding, their one year anniversary looming a mere few weeks away, break her. Need overwhelms her as Castle pushes the jackets no longer keeping her warm off her shoulders, lips finding her pulse thundering under her skin, drawing a whimpering moan from Kate as he nips at the tender skin.

"Kate. Please listen to me. I can't…I can't not be with you. Do you understand? I can't do this anymore. I can't survive knowing you're out there chasing your ghosts alone. Because I know that's what you're doing. Please. Don't make me."

His pleas rattle her nerves, the ache tangible as he raises his troubled blue eyes to find hers. She can't do this anymore, not to him, not to herself.

The choice is easy now.

She moves into the kiss he tries to give her, her lips claiming his for the first time in weeks a sweet relief to her damaged soul. He doesn't wait for further invitation, broad hands cupping her shoulders and rolling them over and his body weight settling over her, hand tangling in her hair to draw her up towards him, her apologies passing seamlessly from her mouth to his.

His hand skims her side, memorizing and remembering every inch of her, Kate's gasp instinctive as his fingers graze her still healing wound. Castle stills at the sound, blue eyes pooling with concern as he pulls away from her.

"Castle, it's really…"  
"Don't tell me it's nothing, Beckett."

The use of her last name catches her off guard, the hurt in his voice slicing through her. He rests on his heels, eyes glued to the incision still puckered on her side. Kate stays quiet as he studies her, copying Castle's movement until she can see his own scar, white against his tan skin.

"We match." The words her husband casually tosses out hurt more than the graze. She feels the tight skin under the scar on her Castle's ribs, her wish soft when she finally answers. "I want to know why we do."

He nods, fingers tracing mindless patterns on her skin. A tender kiss against her injury draws the truth from her, Kate sliding her fingers through his thick hair.

"I need you to know, I'd do anything to keep you safe, Rick."  
"That's why you left, isn't it? To keep me safe?"

The simple truth stabs at her heart. He's not angry; she can see the forgiveness shining in his clear eyes as he crawls up next to her. He's tender as he brushes her hair away from her face, pressing soft kisses along her hairline. Tucking her bottom lip between her teeth she nods, tears falling quickly as she stammers her apology.

"I thought you'd keep looking if you knew the truth. I thought - I thought he'd come after you anyway. I thought so much. And I was wrong. I need you. I'm sorry, Castle. I'm so sorry."

He steals the words from her, lips warm and pliant against hers. She drinks him in, tongue darting between his lips, pouring her heart into him.

Castle's fingers dance along her skin, pressing against the healed wound nestled between her breasts that eventually brought her here the first time. To him. His smile makes her heart skip a beat when he pulls back, eyes shining with a kindness she doesn't deserve as he pulls her into the shelter of his body.

"Wounds heal. Every one of them. Scars eventually just tell a story of where we've been. They don't dictate where we go. We're both going to be fine. I promise. Just stay with me, Kate. Stay with me."

The pain eases even as he murmurs the plea again, Castle's face warm and comforting against her neck as he holds her in his arms. She knows he needs more, _they_ need more. She knows this is just the start of the truth they will now face together.

But it's a start.

Kate turns in his arms, fingers cupping his jaw as she promises the word she wanted to promise years ago, weeks ago, and minutes ago. The one promise she intends to keep.

"Always."

* * *

 _As always, thank you so much for taking the time to read. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. All my thanks to my best friend and beta Jen, who tirelessly encourages no matter what. And to those who haven't given up on me, I can not express my gratitude for your encouragement._


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